17: Why Midlife Women Need to Stop Asking for Permission

Stop Waiting for Permission

If you’ve been waiting for a sign.

• A green light.

• A nudge from someone else saying, “You’re allowed to do that.”

You’re not alone.

Somewhere along the way, a lot of us became very good at giving everyone else permission except ourselves.

• Permission to rest.

• Permission to change.

• Permission to want something different than what once made sense.

That’s what I want to talk about today.

Why permission keeps showing up in midlife

Last week, I talked about the three seasons women tend to move through in midlife: growth, grounding, and rebuilding. What struck me afterward is this:

Every single one of those seasons requires permission.

Permission to slow down.
Permission to shift direction.
Permission to try something new.
Permission to walk away.

Sometimes it’s permission to want more and sometimes less.

Most of us don’t actually give ourselves that permission. Instead, we wait. We tell ourselves there will be a better time later. A point where everything lines up neatly.

That moment rarely comes.

This didn’t start at 45

Women don’t wake up one day in midlife suddenly needing permission. This conditioning starts early.

We’re taught to be agreeable. Helpful. Responsible. Easy to work with. Easy to live with. We learn how to read the room. We learn how to manage other people’s reactions. We learn how to make people comfortable, even when we’re not.

By the time we reach our forties, we’ve been carrying that conditioning for decades.

You can be strong, capable, and confident and still hesitate to change your life. I know I’ve done it. I’ve caught myself thinking, “This isn’t the right time,” or “This can wait.”

Then, I stop and ask myself, what am I actually waiting for?

How waiting for permission shows up

It’s not usually obvious.

“I don’t want to upset anyone.”
“What will people think?”
“What if someone sees this?”
“Maybe now isn’t the right time.”
“I don’t want to disrupt anything.”
“Who am I to be doing this?”

We’re not waiting for literal permission. We’re waiting for emotional safety.

You’re probably not going to get it.

There will never be a perfect time. Someone will always have an opinion. Someone will always judge. Someone may leave a comment you don’t like. That’s part of living a visible life.

Waiting for approval just delays the life you actually want to build.

The roles we struggle to leave behind

This gets especially complicated when the old goals once made sense. They were stable. Predictable. Applauded by others.

But now they don’t fit anymore.

Women often wait for permission to:

• Change goals that no longer align

• Slow down after being “the reliable one” for years

• Start a new hobby, project, or business that feels personal

• Redefine success

• Walk away from roles they’ve outgrown

That last one is often the hardest. Even when something has become draining, we stay because it’s familiar. I’m not talking about blowing up your life. I’m often thinking about careers here. Wanting clarity, freedom, or autonomy isn’t selfish. It’s honest.

Your body and mind usually know before you’re ready to admit it.

What changes when you stop asking

The turning point comes when you decide you don’t need a committee. You don’t need judges. You don’t need someone to sign off.

Once that decision is made, things start moving faster.

When you give yourself permission, your energy shifts. You stop over-explaining. Not everything needs to be justified. You don’t owe a full explanation for wanting something new.

You stop apologizing for the life you want and start building it.

Honor the season you’re in

Growth looks like taking bold steps.
Grounding looks like simplifying.
Rebuilding looks like resting and resetting.

Each season asks for something different. None of them requires you to be who you used to be. I cover this in more detail in this blog post and podcast episode: https://www.ourdailylifestyles.com/second-act-simplified-podcast/sas-15

Women become empowered when they stop listening to expectations and start listening to themselves.

Three places you may need permission right now

Let’s make this practical.

1. Permission to change your mind
You’re allowed to outgrow dreams that once fit. You’re allowed to want something different now. You don’t need to justify it.

2. Permission to choose your energy over expectations
You don’t have to match the pace you see online. You don’t have to meet someone else’s timeline. Rest, slower seasons, and saying no are valid choices.

3. Permission to want more in your second act
Wanting more meaning, freedom, or alignment doesn’t make you ungrateful. It means you’re still growing.

That’s a good thing.

One final thought

Women in a rebuilding season need permission to rest.
Women in a grounding season need permission to simplify.
Women in a growth season need permission to expand.

If reading this brought a sense of relief, that’s worth paying attention to.

• You don’t need approval to change your mind.

• You don’t need permission to shift your goals.

• You don’t need validation for the season you’re in.

You get to choose the life that fits who you are now.